


I Don't Ask You to Love Me

by Laceydaizy



Category: Critical Role (Web Series)
Genre: Canon Divergent, Character Study, F/M, Luc Brenatto mentions, Minor Yeza Brenatto/Nott | Veth Brenatto, Mutual Pining, Nott | Veth Brenatto-centric, at least for now, spoilers for Nott backstory, spoilers up to 2x97
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2021-02-23
Updated: 2021-02-23
Packaged: 2021-03-13 04:21:10
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,105
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/29645682
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Laceydaizy/pseuds/Laceydaizy
Summary: "Think how you love me,' she whispered. 'I don't ask you to love me always like this, but I ask you to remember.' You'll always be like this to me.' Oh no; but promise me you'll remember.' Her tears were falling. 'I'll be different, but somewhere lost inside me there'll always be the person I am tonight."- F. Scott Fitzgerald, Tender Is the NightWhat if Nott decided to wait just a little longer, just a night, before returning to her halfling self?
Relationships: Nott | Veth Brenatto/Caleb Widogast
Comments: 4
Kudos: 29





	I Don't Ask You to Love Me

Nott felt itchy and her body refused to sit still as she laid in her luxurious bed at the Chateau. Nott worried the hem of the down comforter between her fingers being careful not to pierce it with her claws. She let out a soft whine of frustration, feeling like the weight of the blanket and the silk sheets clinging to her skin were slowly trying to suffocate her. She kicked one leg out from underneath her coverings to feel some relief from the cool air of the Nocodranian night flowing in through the window.

Nott didn’t know why she had suggested they wait until tomorrow morning when Caleb asked if she wanted to do the transformation ritual once they arrived in Nicodranas. She was ready! Or—so she had thought at least. As soon as Caleb asked, her stomach dropped. Not that she would let that on to the others, of course. This is what she wanted after all! It was just that she didn’t want to waste another of Caleb’s spells; he had already used one to transport them all here. Yeah, that was it. Plus, new day, new body, right? It’s not as if one night would make a difference. What was a few extra hours as a goblin anyway? She’d be asleep for most of it. If she could ever get to sleep.

In a huff Nott kicked off the rest of the duvet and hopped out of bed. The marble floor felt cool and grounding under her bare feet. Nott paced back and forth a moment before making her way to the large window. It looked out over the sprawling city. She specifically asked to have a room _not_ facing the ocean. The twinkling lights and laughter below filled her with a wistful nostalgia. Was this the last night she would hear the merry making of drunk tavern patrons? Singing songs they learned during their time at sea and at all the foreign ports they traveled to? It was a silly thing to miss. She had once craved the calm quiet of her home in Felderwin. Now, as her mind returned to her memories of that peaceful life, she found it lacking something. But what it was missing, she couldn’t bring herself to say.

__The light spilling out from a tavern below caught on a shine of copper hair, and Nott was instantly pulled from her ever-spiralling thoughts. She held her breath as she stared. No, no it wasn't him. It wasn’t Caleb. Just some sailor heading home from a late night at the bar. Something twisted in Nott’s chest. She had a feeling in her throat like she was about to sob, but she swallowed it down quickly. This feeling had been rearing its head often lately, ever since Caleb had told her there was a chance he could return her to her old self. Everything would be perfect then. She would be Veth again; she would have her body, and Luc and, and her husband and…and Nott—Veth—wasn’t sure that would make her happy._ _

__What made her happy? Instantly her friends came to mind—Jester with her infectious smile and mischievous spirit, Caduceus with his calming voice and simple wisdom no one else seemed to see, Beau with her sarcastic wit and blunt honesty, Yasha, now that Veth was pretty sure she wasn’t going to murder them all, with her peaceful and strong presents, Fjord with his joking banter and silver tongue. And, of course, dear, sweet, brave Caleb. Her best friend and her partner in crime. He was smart, so smart and so strong in all the ways he couldn’t see. When Veth was with him, she was happiest._ _

__Veth had stared at Caleb when he asked if she was ready to try the spell. He had a smile on his face, but it didn’t reach his eyes. What Veth saw in those glacier-like depths was something she couldn’t forget no matter how hard she tried to push it down. An unfathomable sadness. A resignation. And _maybe_ the smallest glimpse of longing. But she couldn’t believe that. No, it was just something she wanted to see there. That maybe Caleb felt the same way about her that she felt about him. Veth wouldn’t ask him to love her with the passion she felt for him. He was the second love of her life after all. If Caleb loved her even a tenth of what she felt, it would be more than she ever dreamed.__

____Tomorrow morning could possibly be the end of their friendship. Veth could come out of the spell being the person she was before any tragedy had ever befallen her. She could want to leave the Nein completely. She could break all her promises to see the negotiations through and help Jester at Traveler Con. She could run straight back into the arms of her adoring family and not have a second thought._ _ _ _

____It unsettled Veth to leave so many loose ends hanging. She couldn’t make the empire and the dynasty sign a treaty tonight, and she couldn’t make Jester hold Traveler Con right here and now, but there was something she could do before the sun set on her current life. A string that had been left hanging for so long. A string Veth had promised herself she would leave dangling in obscurity—one she told herself she didn’t deserve to have tied up in a nice little bow._ _ _ _

____Caleb. More precisely the feelings Veth had been harbouring for him since the moment moonlight had lit him up in their jail cell and in her heart so long ago. Her chest ached thinking about it. She wanted to unburden herself and go into her new life with a free conscience. She owed it to Caleb to be honest about her feelings. Veth owed it to Nott._ _ _ _

____Yes, she would do it. Veth would walk down the hall to Caleb’s room and tell him everything! Sleep be damned; she couldn’t rest until she talked to him. Veth paced the floor, working up the courage. She reached for the door and stilled before continuing her pacing. This went on for hours before she was finally able to grab hold of the door handle and wrenched open the door with the desperation of a prisoner finally set free. Immediately she had to stop herself from smacking into someone standing in front of her exit, their hand raised as if to knock._ _ _ _

____“Oh.”_ _ _ _

____The familiar Zemnian accent paralyzed Veth where she stood. In front of her, looking panic-stricken and a little sweaty was Caleb Widogast._ _ _ _

**Author's Note:**

> Thank you Mintly for beta-ing this for me!! Love you <333
> 
> This was inspired by a quote from F. Scott Fitzgerald I came across one day and couldn't get out of my head. It's lovely and mournful and pulled at my heart strings in painful ways. To me it really reflects the way Veth feels about Caleb, especially right before her transformation. 
> 
> So here we are with a fanfic! I do plan to write another chapter or two, but life has been getting in the way lately.
> 
> Thank you all so so soooo much for reading!!! it means the world to me.


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